Daniel P. Gunn: Perfect Professor or Tenure-seeking Tyrant?
It all began innocently. As an incoming freshman I was placed into Daniel P. Gunn's English Composition class along with 12 or so other English and writing majors. Not knowing the difference, I went along with the schedule, and we all congregated to Merrill Hall that first fateful day. At the beginning of the semester, the class seemed normal. By the middle of the semester, however, I, along with several of my classmates had begun to think that professor Gunn was an exceptional professor, spending lots of time on our assignments, and giving positive feedback before pointing out what we could do better in our writing. We were lulled into a false sense of security.
One day while Kris Brussels*, Dirk Budweiser*, and myself were walking to class we began discussing the power Professor Gunn's held over us. It turned out that five of us had signed up for a class with Gunn the next semester, proving that he held some sort of hypnotic power over our young impressionable minds, and a full third of the class had been sucked in! The theory that he had a hypnotic control device in his left eye was proposed, which made perfect sense as he often looked at us with it, and we looked at it, created the perfect medium for hypnotic rays to be transferred. Some might ask what the purpose of this would be, but it seems obvious to me that he wants to make sure all of his students like him so he can secure tenure. If you think I'm off my rocker, go ask people who have been in his classes. I bet that majority of them have positive things to say to him. Proof!
I'm convinced the reason that we all signed up for the class was because of a subliminal desire to fulfill the hypnotic suggestions implanted by the waves emanating from Gunn's left eye, and had nothing to do with the fact that Gunn is an awesome professor. There are many questions left to be answered, such as what will happen to us four with a double-dose of hypnotic suggestion? Will we be turned into mindless zombies that obey Gunn's every whim? Will we continue to sign up for his classes years past graduation? Will I get sued? We shall just have to wait and see what the future holds...
* Names changed to protect the innocent. Actually, they probably aren't innocent, in fact those two aren't innocent of much, but it's much more fun to make up names than to put in their real ones.